I thought this would happen after two weeks, but it's happened at almost four. A sadness has descended upon me and it's working its way into almost everything. I'm sure it will pass. I'll be pleased when I can say it's passed.
Christmas is beginning to unfold in Frank's house. They went shopping today and returned with the requisite amount of fruit, nuts, chocolate biscuits. There are even dates, a festive food upon which my father insisted and something I refused to eat as a child. It is like my childhood here, but with less people and more mountains. There's a tree and cards hung from string on the walls. I have a piece of tinsel in my room, wrapped around the mirror and instantly transforming this space into a drag queen's dressing room. It is a large example of tinsel, and there is a small silver Christmas tree seemingly constructed from barbed wire. The house is festive with a capital F. I am missing everyone I knew in America. If you are someone I knew in America, then I'm missing you. I suddenly feel a long way from everything, even though that isn't true. I'm close to England and I'm with my brother, but sadness makes a nonsense of things doesn't it. I want Sarah and I want my kids and I want a strange Stephen Hawking universe where everyone is in the same place at the same time. For some reason, being so close to my family makes me feel farther from them, and IM with Sarah seems like a cheap trick performed by a technological charlatan. I have done a lot recently -- too much to document. I had some milk from a nearby cow, boiled as a precaution by a woman who hires skis. I ate lunch in a ski lodge that used to belong to a bank, was once a garrison for soldiers and now belongs to an Englishman who knows how to make a very good cottage pie. I climbed to the place where expert paraglider pilots launch themselves into air 3000 feet above a lake and my buttocks clenched at the thought that I have promised myself to do that some day. I had dinner in an apartment near Ljubljana. I have found new routes for Tyson's walk and I have learned what Slovenians think of the real Slovenia, the everyday working functioning bureaucratic Slovenia. I have been busy. And now the sadness that I knew would come has dropped on me and made everything harder. Let's get Christmas out of the way and face the new year with hope and plans and excitement. Things will get better. This is the time of year when we hang lights on an evergreen tree to remind us that not everything withers, and we can light up the darkness if we chose to do so. [ps...Have you tried the Armchair Detective Challenge yet?]
9 Comments
Bebe Bloom
22/12/2013 14:14:36
We are missing you too! Wish Sally and Frank a Merry one for us! And check my FB page- we got a new doggie!!! Love and Xmas, Barbara
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pjl
24/12/2013 04:41:25
Thanks Barbara. I'll have to get Sarah to point me to the facebook page. She's my facebook guru. Have a good holiday.
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mitchell cohen
23/12/2013 20:28:36
"We can light up the darkness if we choose to". Such a beautiful and true thought Peter. Easier said than done when we are feeling pulled under by life's circumstances. But these (anticipated) blues shall pass. Anyone who knows you knows this to be true. Slovenia appears as physically wondrous as you were led to believe. Turns out it wasn't just a few billboards your brother was photographing and sending to lure you his way. I have been enjoying reading your blog, but wish you were still here to join us for drink, laughter and conversation at the next "writers" gathering at Cassandra's. Wishing you and yours (human and canine) all good things for the coming year. Mitchell.
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pjl
24/12/2013 04:44:20
Mitchell, you deserve an email and I shall write one now. Thanks for writing this. I appreciate it.
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Gregg Gorton
25/12/2013 15:21:32
Thinking of you this Christmas Day, away in frigid Ann Arbor, Michigan with Pamela, Jedd, Liza, and Pamela's sister and her husband and their daughter Ariel (peer of Jedd/Liza). We drove out a few days ago; but I must cab it to the airport and fly back tonight
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Gregg Gorton
25/12/2013 15:24:35
... We had a Solstice party at our house in Narberth the day before we left. You would have been invited of course. --Lit myriad candles of all shapes & sizes (and burn-rates), and then a roaring bonfire in the firepit in the
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Gregg Gorton
25/12/2013 15:32:21
... (darn website won't let me finish!)... backyard. Fortunately, no volunteer or other firepeople crashed the affair-- and so we entered the dark, though ever longer, days... Here's sending you some Winter cheer and a pat for Tyson's head. I well remember your knowing that the "vacation" would end in a few weeks-- and so it seems to have done for you. But that means you MADE it to the other side and are now turning European (again). -- I'm looking forward to how it goes from here, my friend!
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30/12/2013 11:20:45
I returned on the 26th of Dec to Bala Cynwyd after a week in FLA hanging out with my kids and granddaughter. They are musicians and I found myself the "Silver-Pop-Pop-Roadie" going to their gigs, one local and one 3 hours away. I drew all the way, and will be posting art and pics on my blog. But in so many ways it was unreal for me, especially lounging in a rocker (cliche) on the porch actually dozing, totally removed from my usual daily routine. Friends said I deserved it; that it was exactly why I was meant to take a week off with my kids...and I knew it was true...but the change in routine, slathered with a bit of lingering guilt for not being at home and being "practical" and "productive," was still hard to accept.
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Cassandra
30/12/2013 20:46:27
Here's to a wondrous (Mitchell's word from his post) new year in a new land, Peter. You've got much to look forward to, it seems, as you begin new projects, and wake each day to find that things look, smell, and feel more familiar! I'll raise a glass to...
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